How To Be A Good Wife: Then (1950's) And Now (2010)

HOW TO BE A GOOD WIFE: Then: 1950's and Now 2010

The following is supposedly an excerpt from a 1950's high school home-economics textbook:

• •  Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal -- on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
  • Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so that you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.  
  • Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  
  • Prepare the children: take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  
  • Minimize all noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be glad to see him.  
  • Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
  • Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
  • Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
  • The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Now: 2010 (Shannon's Version)

Have dinner ready: if possible, put whatever you can into the crock pot and have it on simmer so it's ready when you both get home from a long day of work. If possible, have the kids have the dinner table set and away you go to have a nice dinner! If they're old enough to make it and home before you are, even better! They have to learn how to cook sometime for when they're going to leave the house. If not, what's on the takeout/delivery menu OR if hubby is home first, ask what he's cooking.

Prepare yourself: you've had a long hard day at work or scheduling play dates, etc with the kids. Take at least 15 minutes to yourself if hubby's home and let him have the opportunity of catching up with the kids while you gather your thoughts and have some "me" time. If you can't have quiet time at home, just excuse yourself, go grab a Timmy's or Starbucks tea, juice or coffee and take a quick drive to a park or waterfront. Have a meditation CD playing quietly or just enjoy the silence.

Clear Away The Clutter: ah, everyone should take care of themselves. If they put it there, they can clean it up too. You're not a maid and they all have to learn responsibility and cleaning up! Make a chore list and have everyone scheduled to do certain chores. If you can afford it, hire a maid and you're helping to support another person and their business while they help make your life easier.

Minimize all noise: Ask Johnny to turn down the ear buds that is blaring his music and probably destroying his ear drums. Otherwise, everyone should run up to you (or dad) when you come home. If there's music on in the background, dance and say "oh yeah, let's celebrate - I'm home!" If hubby's home, great! If hubby's not home, great! Enjoy that one on one time with the kids or, just take that moment again for yourself.

Listen to him: well, if he's only going to grunt a few words when he comes home, then it won't take long. If you have to, grab a glass of wine so you can swish it in your mouth and preoccupy your mind

Make The Evening His: Go out with the girls for a "girl's night" or lock yourself in your bathroom with wine, candles, a good book and bubbles. I'm sure he can find something of his own to do. Get him the new "Maxim" or tell him the remote is all his for the night.

The Goal: to get through the fast paces that life has to offer on a daily basis with as much sanity as you can....all the while feeling a sense of accomplishment, purpose and hopefully hearing the words "thanks", "I love you mom", "I love you honey" and "you're the best"...even if you have to pat yourself sometimes. Everyone else will come around.

Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

Do You Live Your Life Backwards?

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards:

they try to have more things, or more money,
in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first be who you really are, then, do what you need to do,
in order to have what you want.

~ Margaret Young ~

How true this truly is! We are always striving for more yet never truly satisfied. How often do you strive for "things" or money but at the end of the day, they're just things. If we don't start within ourselves and genuinely happy, then it seems no amount of money would change that. Is that right?

I was flipping channels the other night as I wanted to unwind from my day. I see Robert Herjavec (of Dragon's Den Fame) on an interview and he said the most compelling words. Something like: ‘Your sense of worth is not the stuff you have, it’s the people you have.’ I thought for a long time I had to become rich in order to believe in myself. For my own well-being I had to become rich. I realized if you weren’t happy before you’re not going to be happy with a million dollars or a hundred million or five hundred million.'

Wow. These words hit me and are so very, very true. We must strive for internal happiness and if having regrets, negative feelings or ill-feelings of a situation or memory, it must be dealt with. Why? Because that feeling and memory will always be with you.

What's the point of striving for only monetary things if thinking that buying this "happiness" would make everything go away? At the end of the day, alone and looking in the mirror, if you're not happy then the image looking back at you will still be miserable and the feeling that something missing. As you read this blog you may think "no way, money would definitely make me happy and solve everything, she's crazy because it would make everything go away". You truly have to look within and ask yourself, would it really? Sure, it may help situations of affordability but look at Robert's words and he knows from personal experience!

I may not be "rich" or a millionaire monetary-wise but I can't complain. I am "rich" and blessed with so many things that I value in life and have my priorities. Family, friends, colleagues, networking group, investments, health and a great career that I absolutely love. What matters to me, may not matter to you which is what is great about this world we live in. Sure, I live in visions of wanting to create wealth like anyone else but I also have a personal "Belize" and reason why. Financial freedom for my future but also because I want to give back. My true hearts desire is to be a philanthropist.

Anyway, I want to leave you with a few thoughts and just remember:

"The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything they have."

So look deep within and do your best to change your attitude and take out any negativity in your life. Surround yourself with like-minded individuals and develop new patterns. Write down in a journal positive words you can use to replace things like "can't" "problem" etc. For example, instead of saying "problem" I embrace it and say "challenge" because in my mind, I love the challenge and it's something to overcome :)

For more on Robert, pick up his book. I did and it was a fantastic, inspiring and humbling read! Few tips he offered:

1. Get a handle on cash flow.
2. Find a belief and a purpose.
3. Don't fear the phone, ask for the deal.
4. Don't complain.
5. Give your kids a sense of worth.

I truly wish you much success in your journey of being who you really are, doing what you need to do, in order to have what you want!!


Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

Playing "Victim" and Who's Life Is It Anyway?

People who play the victim game often point fingers at others as the responsible party for their situation that they're in now. How many times have we heard people say: "I'm so frustrated because...", "I never get a chance to...", "I am unhappy because...", "I can't have this because...",  "Can you believe he did this to me? What a jerk. Now I can't..." "Can you believe she said that? What a b*. Now I can't..." " Ugh, my life sucks." or "I don't have a life." 

But we do have a life, we do have many opportunities and chances to make a difference...not only in our own life but also the ability to impact others.  This can be a positive influence or bad, but that depends on us. We all have the same amount of time given to us in a day and it's what we do (or don't do) within that time that makes a difference. Life truly is what we make it.

In our every day conversations we can sabotage ourselves. It's unfortunate that it has become "common" for such comments  to be made and almost acceptable to blame others for not getting what they want and always complaining. Are we not responsible for our own opportunities (whether we take them or not), happiness, health, wealth and everything in our life? Isn't it our life and aren't things within our control? Haven't our parents taught us to be responsible and take accountability of our actions? Weren't we taught as children to face the consequences of our actions whether we did something bad? Weren't we rewarded when we did something really great? So if we're sitting back and blaming others for what is within our control then one isn't taking responsibility...just "passing the buck". Choices lie within ourselves and in essence, we truly can (and do) create our own destiny.


How many times have we said to ourselves: "I will be happy when... " (finish that sentence...whether new shoes, clothing, vacation, big house, expensive car, husband, wife, etc.), then we are looking at the glass as being "half empty" and cheating ourselves out of the wonderful things that we do have and all the wonderful things we have accomplished so far. Why cheat ourselves from that celebration? Isn't this what life is about?

At a younger age I was taught that life is a gift. Nothing is promised to us but it is up to me to be appreciative and grateful for every morning that I have and the gift of breathing another day.  If you do not appreciate the present, how do you know when to be grateful and happy when you have the things you wanted or "wished for", yet still thinking there's always more. We'd be like that dog chasing our tail wouldn't we?

This is kind of in line with my "Frog" post. Here are some tips:

• Be Clear on What You Want - write it down. It's private but create yourself a "vision" board. Whether on a Bristol board or download some photos and tuck away in a file on your computer, create the vision so you'll see it visually everyday.  Focus on it. Create that vision so it's embedded in your brain as you continue your daily tasks.
• Set Your Priorities - only you know what is important to you and only you can set those boundaries. Don't think of having "limitations" or you're setting yourself up to fail. Do something toward reaching your goal instead of nothing.
• Get A Mentor - sometimes communication is a key factor but be guarded because there will always be a "nay-sayer" and this person will influence you not to achieve your goal. Whether your choice or vision is spiritual, financial, family or health, find someone with a common interest who can 'mentor' you and be support that you need to help you with your clear vision.
• Write a Journal - keep track of your successes and "failures". There are going to be moments when that good ol' self doubt and sense of failure will set in. We do that self-talk all the time and come part of our daily routine that we can easily talk ourselves out of things and stop doing it. Create a journal of your emotions and focus on the positive and your rewards. Keeping your clear vision will help you "keep on, keeping on" so you don't talk yourself out of keeping your goal.
• "Just Do It". You have to develop a take action mindset that you "can" and "will". The responsibility for achieving what you want lies within yourself. Just thinking about how you want to do something isn't enough. Nothing is ever a sacrifice and some things may have to be re-routed or altered but in the end, if it's achieving YOUR goal, you have to go the distance and do what it takes to get there. Don't set yourself up for failure before you even start. Just do it or you will be in the same situation and could very easily just talk yourself out of it.

If you have children, when you're disciplining it's not because you want to harm them, it's for their own good of moral values and responsibility, right? Why? You want the best for them, right? Why not wanting the best for ourselves? If you think of it as "tough love" for yourself then you should remain focused on your dream. If at any point through your journey you say "you can't" then you're right because you've just given up and set yourself up for failure.

Ever heard the saying "dream to achieve"... In order to do that you must stop the blame game, complaining, or making excuses about why you have not achieved what you want. Whenever you look in the mirror the person responsible for your life is the person looking back at you in the mirror.

If you're not going to take responsibility now for achieving what you want, when are you? There's never any "milestone" and the time for living your life is now. However, if that's what helps you set a goal so you have a time frame then set it, reach it and don't let anyone stand in your way. You'll be proud of yourself that you did! Remember, don't seek perfection and if you have to make "alterations" to your vision, keep looking at everything as successes. As long as you're on the path, keep persevering and you'll get there. Believe in yourself. We can be our own worst critics so starting with that changing that first mindset is definitely key. Perhaps it's fear of achieving your goal then you really need to sit down to at least half an hour of uninterrupted silence and evaluate what's important to you. Don't let self doubt set you up for failure before you start. YOU CAN DO IT.

Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

I'm Not This Frog, Are You?

Question: There are 3 frogs on a leaf. If one of them decided to jump off the leaf into the water, how many frogs are there left on the leaf?



Answer: Three! Why? The frog only DECIDED to jump but it didn’t!

Dreaming of achieving personal accomplishments or goals, most people make the mistake of waiting.
Waiting until they’ve been trained more
Waiting until someone says they are ready
Waiting until they have the proper tools
Waiting until they’re better
Waiting until they’re hired
Waiting until they’ve been given the assignment
Waiting until they're successful
Waiting until they have more money
Waiting until the New Year and make a "resolution" to get that gym membership

Think about this my friends. Are you like that frog who decides to do this, decides to do that, but then end up not doing anything?

In life we have to make many decisions. Some are easy and some are definitely challenging and seem hard.

Most "mistakes" are not made by wrong decisions and sometimes they're not even "mistakes" but meant to take us to a different path, even if we can't see its value at that time.

Most "mistakes" are made due to our inability to take a right decision at the right time. You can educate yourself all you want to as knowledge is power but if you don't do anything with that learned education then what's the point?

We have to live with the consequences of our decisions. And that is RISK. The best thing that is going to happen to you? Success and happiness.
Happiness and success are truly your own measurement of what you want. Others don't walk in your shoes and can't define you. You're the one in control of your own thoughts, emotions and desires so why are you passing off your control?

If you have your own true level that you want to be at and not happy with results or daily life, then it's in your control to stop "deciding" and take action. It doesn't matter what area of your life it is whether financial/wealth, fitness/health, business, career, family, relationships, whatever it is in your life. It's personal and only you know. You deserve every happiness and success there is in life and the power to empower and create your life, on your terms is now. Don't just "think" or "decide".

Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

Narrow-Minded Thinking and Power of the Internet

Well I guess this "small-time" girl with big ambition and drive had a wake-up call this morning. It's funny how one can think about things that they THINK they're going to blog about and then in one instant whether an action, call or thought can change all this.

In keeping with my "empowerment" I originally wanted to write to you about my nutrition plan and what steps I took to get into being a healthier me and that it wasn't about the "d" word (diet) but a chosen lifestyle. I think I will save this thought for another day.

Why? Because something "bigger than life" happened to me and I had an epiphany. I was asking myself "why blog?" Do I even have an audience or am I just typing words into thin air and what would make anyone in the world want to read my blogs over hundreds upon thousands others. What do I bring to the table? I'm just one person in this City just North of Toronto, Ontario, Canada. So out of curiosity I checked stats which I had never done before. I was amazed. To the readers that hail from my home Country of Canada that have freedoms, I thank you. For those that are reading from Italy, Australia, United Kingdom, Alaska, US, Poland, India, Ukraine, Russia and Philippines, a HUGE thank you and I hope that across the miles, you are finding some enlightenment, hope, humour and support from reading this.

So in knowing this, I feel a sense of responsibility and honoured with the opportunity of offering support and showing that everyone has the right to be free; a right to be empowered and know that whatever situation you're in there's hope. That no matter what challenges you face every day that the same patterns do not have to be repeated and no one ever has the power to tell you how to think because you are the only one responsible for your thoughts. For anyone reading this that is facing abuse whether physical or verbal or living in a Country where women are not treated as "persons" or facing persecution for even "looking at a man" and accusations of being unfaithful, I pray for you.

For those people that offer hope and support for these women and it sometimes feels like a "thankless" job (or volunteer work), keep on making a difference. For those that put their lives in danger to help people, thanks for making a difference. This world must be made a better place and we all need to reach out to each other whether in word or other actions, we have to make a difference. No one, whether female or male, should ever feel they're worthless or inferior. We truly need to watch our words and keep negative thoughts out of our minds and hearts and speak words of encouragement, love and support. We must always "pay it forward" and even if it doesn't feel like what we're saying or doing isn't making a difference, we have to believe IT IS touching the lives of at least one person.

I am truly honoured and humbled and no longer shall I be "narrow-minded" and think I'm writing in a cocoon. I trust these words find you well. Continue to look for strength and you can make any changes. Put yourself first. In the words of MJ and friends: "We are the world, we are the children; We are the ones who make a brighter day so lets start giving. There's a choice we're making, we're saving our own lives, its true we'll make a better day....Just you and me"

Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

Are You A Fighter?

The heading is not what you think. Not fighting in the arguing, physical sense but a fighter?
First of all, before I jump into my blog, it's not really going to be a daily thing. It will be when time permits and also when I feel that I have a relevant thought or point. Don't get me wrong, I have relevant thoughts all the time but sometimes not so much in the "sharing publicly" and posting kind of way.

My passion is empowerment and women's rights on all accounts. My common-law husband makes cracks (not in a mean-spirited way) about my feminism and for years I shied away from being called a feminist. I didn't feel that I was doing some "all women - girl power" extreme and didn't want to antagonize any men that I have a great friendship and collaboration with but when I explore the definition of the word it is about empowerment and women's strength. In that, there's no shame. Women exude strength and have to endure so much responsibility. Don't get me wrong as there are fabulous men out there who can be great partners and share this responsibility but in the end, you know it's the women that are the one's to wear all the hats: mother, nurse, taxi driver, cook, cleaner, teacher, wife, employee, business owner, and the list goes on. If a single mother and no support, that list just grows.

My questions are: balance - how do we find it? When do we crack? When do we have time to crack? I guess this is up to the individual and truly is a time management thing. It is important to take time out of our day, even if for just two minutes to exhale and have a drink of your favourite beverage. So if you have to fight for that time, so-be-it!

Okay, I got off topic a little. The above kind of ties in but not the bulk of what carries my thoughts today. Am I fighter? In most cases, I pride myself on being that and would like to say yes. However, I have a confession. I have not lived up to my responsibilities or privileges. I am reminded by the video below just how much other women before me had to FIGHT for the right for equality to be called and regarded as a "person". They had to fight for the right to vote so that it would allow me the opportunities today to have a voice. If you can, minimize the video and listen to it as you carry on with other work. It's a really great listen.

How have I failed? I don't vote. I remember the excitement I felt at turning 18 and the right to vote. For years I faithfully did my duty only to see the politicians that were voted into office totally turn their backs on any campaign promises and what seemed to be self-fulfilling. I realize it's not possible to please every single person in the Municipality, Province or Country. (I'm sure that I will face criticism for my post but this is my personal opinion in which I am totally entitled to. I'm sure others may agree even when others may not.)

How do you choose? What do you do when you've lost faith in the people that don't do what they say they're going to do? People are people and there's human error or miscommunication. What if you know the person on a personal level and just can't get past their history or people they're associated with? There's some sort of lack of trust and you question what people's motivations are. Are they good intentioned and well-meaning? Do you befriend them anyway because "it's the political thing" to do and may need to call in "favours"? That's pretty shallow isn't it but also how the world runs right? Not what you know but who you know right? Why can we not change that? Do we just have to keep accepting it and shrug our shoulders in defeat that "that's just the way things are done"? Isn't your name your reputation? What do you want to put your name to? I'm glad I'm not American in the fact that I have to "register" and be a loyal and faithful Democrat or Republican. To be loyal to that no matter who the person is? At least we have a choice here in Canada in voting Liberal, Progressive Conservative, etc. (Ok, I don't exactly recall how US Politics works and would never profess to but I've seen many friends wear their Political stance and pride on their shoulders which has caused many an argument at parties if politics is discussed).

Sure, in some cases it's not the political person's fault when they have to have other members vote and agree but if the general population does not agree, why are "we, the people" not heard? Prime example? Look at the implementation of the HST and other things. Politics, in my opinion, is basically about who's the most popular and do people truly have our best interests at heart? I had the opportunity of working in Government and you had to shake so many hands, keep a smile on your face and be fake. I just couldn't do it. I wear my heart on my sleeve and though I'm not Simon Cowell, I have no problem expressing how I feel. (This is also another reason why sometimes I need to type and keep drafts instead of uploading the blogs right away..LOL).

So, the video below reminds me to be grateful. Women before us fought really hard. Should I still vote knowing how I feel? I don't want these women's actions to be in vain and know I need to be a fighter in all aspects of life. Other Countries are at war to have this right and fight to even have the opportunity or be heard!

I honestly don't know. This is a struggle that I will have to overcome but appreciate your comments and insight.

Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"

Question of Loyalty?

Good morning folks!

As I'm sitting here drinking my coffee, going over and replying to emails and returning calls I'm reflecting on what I can write on my blog today. If I were to write on my daily thoughts then this blog would be an hourly thing and not daily!

I was thinking to myself "what do I want today's thought to be"? Then it occurred to me as I wrapped up a phone call and read multiple emails from various mortgage brokers that send me newsletters and rate info so I'll be in their network of referrals, which one of these mortgage brokers would I use and be loyal to?

Loyalty: the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

Big word huh? "Failthfulness to commitments or obligations". Ok, we do that in our every day life, jobs, children, schedule, life. "Faithfulness", what about our partners in life? Ourselves? "Faith in ourselves" you're asking. Yes, ourselves. How many times have you said "I can't do that". You've lost faith in yourself and your desire to implement change, breaking old habits.
To our partners, there's so much deception and high divorce rates that it's almost become "acceptable". Everything takes work and unless it's abuse, why not try to work things out instead of being loyal and committed?

Business loyalty. Do commission-driven, career driven people lose their loyalty to colleagues and customers for the sake of getting ahead and making more money? Is that ok? In my opinion, no as it's unethical but you know it happens. The adage is "business is business" so apparently that's perfectly acceptable. Sure, that may happen one time but would you refer or ever use their business or that person again?

So it's a matter of perception and what I tell my children is that you get out of life what you put into it. I was told a long time ago by a very tough female american executive "Shannon, it doesn't matter what your intention is but what the perception of what people have about you". Well though people are going to conjur up whatever perceptions they have of you, you still have to be true to yourself. At the end of the day, you have to live with yourself and look in the mirror. It is just not possible to be everything to everyone and make them happy. It's just not. We're all made up differently with varying opinions so what one person may love about me, another person can absolutely detest.

So, loyalty. I'm loyal to myself and working in the utmost ethics I can. I'm loyal to my clients and customers because it's not just about the deal. My clients can attest to how I work. I'm loyal to my children and my life partner because I made that committment and strong in that character. When you make that firm committment, it makes life less stressful (at least I think) because there's no grey area. It's either wrong or right and no one has to backpaddle. If you know where your loyalties stand, and stand firm, no one can dispute that and then can hopefully say "wow, what an admirable trait". If someone doesn't understand, they're meant to be kept at arm's length because that's not the kind of person you'd want to be associated with or put your name to.

So for those mortgage brokers out there that just grab my email and send me stuff for the sake of creating their database, thanks for taking the initiative. In the end, I forward clients to Mortgage Consultants with whom I have a relationship with because my name is attached to them and I know how they work. It's about getting the best customer service and attention they deserve. It's not about me being #1, it's the clients.


Thanks for viewing! As always, have a great day and remember to "Empower yourself and inspire change in others"